APSGO Parenting Blog

by Sue Kranz In the last article, I shared ways to get a clean kitchen, and mentioned there’s a difference between compliance and cooperation. What I’ve learned over the years is that, while parents say they want compliance, they’re seldom satisfied with it. It isn’t inherent in compliance that your child will want to do what they’ve been asked to do, just that they’ll do it, often accompanied by whining, complaining, sullenness, arguing, or anger. In those moments, what parents want is for their child or teen to comply willingly and cheerfully. But is that reasonable or even achievable, especially […]
In this episode, Kim Olver interviews Choice Theory parenting coach, Sue Kranz. Kim Olver: “Sue is a phenomenal parenting coach, having raised six children of her own as a single parent and is now weighing in on some stellar ideas for grandparenting, as well. In this interview, we discuss how to help children with frustration, to self-regulate and to help out around the house. Sue also has some great insight about teaching children about thinking and delineating between helping and rescuing. We also talk about the distinction between compliance and cooperation and how to set your child up to keep track […]
Just like that! – another Summer is gone and we are well into another Autumn. Who would have thought that COVID19 would have disrupted our normal lives for so long! It was almost 2 years ago that the word Coronavirus became part of our daily vocabulary. It was almost 2 years ago that the way we deal with everyday life changed. COVID19 also meant that the way we come together at APSGO has changed. Parents in need continue to call our 1-800 number looking for help. APSGO understands that this need does not end even in the face of a […]
– By Helen Jones All behaviours are our best attempt at the time to get what we want. All behaviours are our best attempt at the time to close the gap between what we have and what we want. All behaviours are our best attempt at the time to match the pictures in our QUALITY WORLD with what we have in the real world. All behaviours are our best attempt at the time to satisfy our needs. We have more control over some behaviours than others. PHYSIOLOGICAL FEELING THINKING DOING Because we have the most control over our thinking and […]
Helen Jones Parenting Workshop ( ZOOM) Presented Saturday, Oct. 9, 2021 @ 10:30am – 12 noon TOPIC: The Psychological Needs of Children and Youth So much unhelpful jargon and myth exists around young peoples needs . If we can help them satisfy these needs, we can learn to help them be happy and responsible. Helen also covers the Qualities needed for APSGO meetings when creating plans, and in our homes with our children.
– By Helen Jones Because our approach is new to most people, some parents will express doubts as to its effectiveness. Our focus on building better relationships, can lead some parents to believe that we concentrate on relationship building while ignoring acting out behaviour. Parents need reassurance that we have similar goals and even better results in mind using a different approach to dealing with acting out behaviour. There are two approaches to dealing with bad behaviour. The Failing Approach, which is used by most parents involves punishment, as a deterrent. Or, even more destructive, a ‘diagnosis’ such as ADHD […]
Dear Sue: My 15-year-old has been in trouble at school for vaping, smoking marijuana, skipping classes, etc. Often we take away her freedom when these things happen, which seems to have an impact at the time; however, the behaviours keep happening. From reading your articles, I have become a big believer in natural consequences, but sometimes I feel like I need to enforce a punishment. What do you feel is an appropriate way to handle these behaviours? Puzzled Dear Puzzled: If the school is having trouble with your daughter, then leave it up to the school to deal with. I […]
By Sue Kranz What is frustration? Frustration is the feeling we have when what we’re experiencing isn’t what we want. Frustration comes from believing we’re helpless, powerless, or have too little control in our lives. And it stems from trying to control what we can’t control – sometimes an event or circumstance, but usually another person. Over a lifetime, we learn and practice strategies that we hope will help us gain control over others: we criticize, blame, complain, nag, threaten, punish, and bribe. When we try to force others to do what we want, we actually entrench them in doing […]
by Helen Jones Many APSGO coaches have been around for years, generously giving of their time, experience and expertise. Sometimes we forget that new and relatively new parents don’t realize any of this. In a parent group, it is important that parents understand the role of the person who is helping them. The coach should briefly explain his or her role. There are several roles that can be held by the APSGO group Coach. Role: Manager Helps someone who does not want to be helped.. Allows consequences which can be redeemed, unlikecriticisms and put downs which cannot be retrieved. Relates […]
by Sue Kranz Like many parents I’ve worked with, when things were at their worst at home, I was anything but a helpful role model to my teens. For some reason, I thought what I said and did to them was more important than how I lived and what I was modelling. Then I attended a workshop where I was challenged to consider the kind of example I was setting for my teens and children, and when this was likely to inspire them or discourage them. Was I cheerful, calm, and confident? Did I enjoy my life? Did I create […]