APSGO Parenting Blog

Helen Jones Parenting Workshop ( ZOOM) Presented Saturday, Oct. 9, 2021 @ 10:30am – 12 noon TOPIC: The Psychological Needs of Children and Youth So much unhelpful jargon and myth exists around young peoples needs . If we can help them satisfy these needs, we can learn to help them be happy and responsible. Helen also covers the Qualities needed for APSGO meetings when creating plans, and in our homes with our children.
– By Helen Jones Because our approach is new to most people, some parents will express doubts as to its effectiveness. Our focus on building better relationships, can lead some parents to believe that we concentrate on relationship building while ignoring acting out behaviour. Parents need reassurance that we have similar goals and even better results in mind using a different approach to dealing with acting out behaviour. There are two approaches to dealing with bad behaviour. The Failing Approach, which is used by most parents involves punishment, as a deterrent. Or, even more destructive, a ‘diagnosis’ such as ADHD […]
Dear Sue: My 15-year-old has been in trouble at school for vaping, smoking marijuana, skipping classes, etc. Often we take away her freedom when these things happen, which seems to have an impact at the time; however, the behaviours keep happening. From reading your articles, I have become a big believer in natural consequences, but sometimes I feel like I need to enforce a punishment. What do you feel is an appropriate way to handle these behaviours? Puzzled Dear Puzzled: If the school is having trouble with your daughter, then leave it up to the school to deal with. I […]
By Sue Kranz What is frustration? Frustration is the feeling we have when what we’re experiencing isn’t what we want. Frustration comes from believing we’re helpless, powerless, or have too little control in our lives. And it stems from trying to control what we can’t control – sometimes an event or circumstance, but usually another person. Over a lifetime, we learn and practice strategies that we hope will help us gain control over others: we criticize, blame, complain, nag, threaten, punish, and bribe. When we try to force others to do what we want, we actually entrench them in doing […]
by Helen Jones Many APSGO coaches have been around for years, generously giving of their time, experience and expertise. Sometimes we forget that new and relatively new parents don’t realize any of this. In a parent group, it is important that parents understand the role of the person who is helping them. The coach should briefly explain his or her role. There are several roles that can be held by the APSGO group Coach. Role: Manager Helps someone who does not want to be helped.. Allows consequences which can be redeemed, unlikecriticisms and put downs which cannot be retrieved. Relates […]
by Sue Kranz Like many parents I’ve worked with, when things were at their worst at home, I was anything but a helpful role model to my teens. For some reason, I thought what I said and did to them was more important than how I lived and what I was modelling. Then I attended a workshop where I was challenged to consider the kind of example I was setting for my teens and children, and when this was likely to inspire them or discourage them. Was I cheerful, calm, and confident? Did I enjoy my life? Did I create […]
by Helen Jones Remove focus from the issue (problem). Listen to the problem but make sure that your questions are about wants and needs. The problem can’t be controlled, continued fixating on it isn’t only senseless, it’s ruins your efforts to influence change and underlines your helplessness. Look at the things you can change. E.g. you can’t make your or anyone’s son obey a curfew but you can demonstrate how removing the curfew will increase influence. Since you can’t enforce any rule, you lose credibility by continuing to try and credibility trumps authority every time. Don’t use plans which are […]
APSGO presented the Final Spring 2021 ZOOM Parent Workshop with Helen Jones on Saturday May 29, 2021. The Workshop Topic was “Disorders and Diagnoses: A guide for parents with options and insights for parenting sons and daughters who have been diagnosed with a behaviour issue. Learn what their needs are and how you can help them meet them.” You can listen to the Workshop below:
By Sue Kranz In his book Choice Theory, William Glasser discuses 7 habits that bring people closer to us and 7 habits that push them away. While my focus here is on our relationship with our children and teens, as some of you have already noticed, these principles apply to all of our relationships. First, the 7 habits that brings others closer to us: supporting, encouraging, listening, accepting, trusting, respecting, and negotiating differences. And the 7 habits that push others away: criticizing, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing, and bribing.In this article, I’ll discuss the 7 habits that push others away, […]
By Helen Jones Why are so many people, including children, being classified as mentally ill? Three reasons are offered up to explain the steep rise in the numbers of people of all ages who are being treated for a mental disorder. Life today, we are told, is more stressful. Psychiatrists are said to have become better at diagnosing disorders. The bar for measuring a disorder has been lowered, allowing many more people, including children to be classified as ill and requiring treatment. Is life today more stressful? In fact, the opposite seems to be the case. True, life does have […]
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