APSGO Parenting Blog

After the 2023 APSGO AGM on Saturday, November 25th, Sue Kranz presented a workshop for parents in attendance, discussing ‘Boundaries’ and how healthy boundaries can shape the quality of our interactions. Sue is an experienced parent coach and Choice Theory expert. The recording of the Workshop is available below:
Fall is a season of transition. As we move out of the post-COVID era with a return to freedom from restrictions and as we experience the fall season with cooler weather and turning leaves, we see a parallel with the inevitability of change and our ever-evolving journey as parents and as an organization. Chapters continue to offer Zoom meetings that allow parents the freedom to easily join without having to travel from the comforts of their homes or Cities. Zoom meetings have helped to open APSGO up to many who would not have attended otherwise.  As well, some Chapters hold […]
We all know – or think we know – what boundaries are: Boundaries are rules we make for others, or that others make for us. So I made rules for my kids and called those “boundaries”. But I had no way to enforce these “boundaries”, and their success was determined by my teens’ willingness to cooperate with me. And the folly of thinking these would work became more apparent as I more closely observed whose behaviour I could actually control: mine. In the early ’60s, in his book Parent Effectiveness Training, Thomas Gordon introduced parents to I-messages: “I feel (blank) […]
The APSGO board would like to introduce some of our coaches to those of you who read our newsletter & blog.  We think this is long overdue.  APSGO wouldn’t be what it is today without them.  Our coaches have worked tirelessly with parents, often after receiving that very same help from their predecessor’s.  They committed to staying because they believe in the APSGO philosophy and that having a respectful, successful and happy relationship our children is possible, they themselves are living proof.  Randy will be the first of many.  We hope you like hearing his story. Without further ado, we would […]
by Sue Kranz Listening is one of the seven caring habits recommended by William Glasser in Choice Theory. These are the habits that, when put into practice, bring us closer to our sons and daughters – and everyone else. And the closer we are, the more influence we have. David Augsburger wrote: “Being listened to is so close to being loved that most people can’t tell the difference.” There are two ways to listen: Listening to reply. Listening to understand. The first is the one most of us use. While our teen is talking, we’re formulating our response: a comment, advice, […]
Dear Sue, It is a rule that there are no drugs or drug paraphernalia in the house (aka marijuana, grinder, and bongs). My son seems to think the rules don’t apply to him, and so I have repeatedly confiscated and destroyed what I find. He is also engaged in risky behaviour like driving after smoking pot. I don’t want to kick him out because I can keep a closer eye on him in my house, but I cannot sit by and watch him destroy his life with drugs, and I can’t tolerate the crap laying around. Frustrated Dear Frustrated: I […]
Reposted from healthresearchfunding.org William Glasser introduced the Choice Theory of Behavior Management in 1996. It is based on one core idea: that the most important need that people have is love and belonging. In order for anyone to be able to satisfy any of their needs, they must have a certain closeness or a feeling of connectedness with the family, friends, and acquaintances they care about. This causes the Choice Theory of Behavior Management to put forth 3 statements. The only thing that humans do is behave. Almost all of the behaviors that we have are chosen behaviors. Because of […]
(Notes from the Youth Group on Connecting/Disconnecting) We talk about connecting and disconnecting behaviour in terms of relationships – with ourselves or with others. Fair enough. But what if you don’t like the other person? What if you don’t want anything to do with them? Then what? In the workshops, we’ve been working with the idea that, when we get frustrated, we try to satisfy our need for power by trying to control everybody around us. When we’re unsuccessful (and we usually are), that leads to more frustration, which leads to escalating our attempts to control others, which leads to […]
As a parent, are you invested or involved in your child’s or teen’s life? They may seem similar, but they aren’t. Invested parents are focused on the child’s goals: outcomes and achievement. The parent has an agenda that is more concerned with the destination than with the journey. Involved parents are focused on the child’s role: identity and character. The parent has no agenda and is more interested in the journey than the destination. Invested parents concentrate on the flowers, nurturing for results – goal oriented. Involved parents concentrate on the roots, nurturing for character and a sense of self […]
The things our children need to be happy and to become well-adjusted, responsible citizens aren’t necessarily the things we think they need – or what they tell us they need. So what do they need most? Safety and security: You may be thinking a roof over their head, food on the table, a warm bed to sleep in, and clean clothes to wear. Those are important when they’re young, but become increasingly less important as they grow. What I’m talking about is feeling safe and secure with us. I’m talking about being the kind of people that our children can […]