APSGO Parenting Blog

The following was originally a Keynote Address delivered by APSGO Founder Helen Jones at the 2012 APSGO AGM. Credibility Trumps Power In her keynote address, Helen Jones expounded on the difference between credibility and power, and why credibility trumps power every time. Although we can’t control our teens, we can influence them – but only if they view us as credible. So what do we do that diminishes our credibility with our teens, with others, and with ourselves? We squander our credibility in several ways: Making rules for others The problem with rules is that we can’t enforce them. All we can […]
There is a truth which is not acknowledged by those who are in authority over others and who live ‘by the book’ and that is that rules are intended to establish conformity. What is the appeal of conformity and why would anyone want to maintain it? While conformity can be comforting, particularly to ado-lescents, where it provides a sense of belonging, this is true only if it is self-imposed. It is very different when rules are imposed externally by parents or teachers who mistakenly see it as a way of gaining a greater degree of control over children. Consider the […]
Dear Helen For several months we have been implementing your suggested plans with our daughter, an incredibly bright thirteen-year-old who was, until now, seemingly bent on self-destruction. We have a long way to go, but because things are so much better around our home, we feel very hopeful about her future and our sanity! Our question is not really about our daughter but about us. When we explain to friends and family what we are doing, they seem skeptical. The general idea seems to be that we don’t have any rules and our daughter is ‘getting away’ with all sorts […]
by Sue Kranz (from APSGO News Fall 2007) Ask anyone what they expect from their relationship—whether that be with their teen, their spouse or their boss—and they will usually give you a list of what they believe the other person should be doing. It’s highly unlikely anyone will say, “Aah, yes, here’s what I expect from myself.” I’ve lost track of the number of times parents have asked me, “But shouldn’t I have expectations?” Of course you should. Absolutely. You should expect only the best, and you should have only the highest standards—for your own behaviour. “What will the neighbours […]