APSGO Parenting Blog

APSGO hosted an online parenting workshop for members with APSGO Founder, Past President and spokesperson Helen Jones on Saturday March 13. You can listen to it below.
Dear Helen, Please explain again the weakness in the principle of parents being “on the same page” when it comes to dealing with their children. My husband is all in favour of this more open approach, but I think it weakens our position as parents when we do not show a united front to our children. Doesn’t it also confuse them when they know their parents have a different opinion or view of the house rules? Thank you. T.P. Dear T.P. Parents who do not realise that their children, even quite young children are aware of the reality of what […]
Hi Helen, My wife has a 14-year-old, son from a previous marriage who has recently come to live with us. In the past, he lived with his father and I had contact with him only on weekend visits or vacations. We weren’t especially close, but we managed to get along. However, his father has moved out of the province, and now that this teen lives with us, things have become quite tense. I know it can’t be easy for him missing his dad. I tried to step up to the plate by being involved and before this crazy pandemic, I […]
Dear Helen, My daughter has just turned 14 and I am having a terrible time disciplining her for anything. Last night I took her phone away as consequence for failing to come home (which she knew the rules before leaving and the time expectation to be home). She was also high and when I took the phone, she started to leave the house. I ended up sleeping at the door for fear she would leave in the middle of the night and walk across the city through a very rough and disturbing neighbourhood to get back to where I picked her […]
In our support groups, ASPGO leaders use Choice Theory to help parents develop small plans to improve their relationships with their children by changing their own behaviour. The plan should rely solely on the parent. If it depends for success on anyone else, including a teacher, spouse or your child it has little to no chance of success. The plan should be as small as possible. The plan should demonstrate a change in the behaviour of the parent. The plan should have a positive impact on the wellbeing of the parent. The plan should not be punitive. So often when […]
A Letter to Helen Jones, Founder of APSGO I do know that it is my attitude in the whole situation that should change but I am having a really hard time.  Here is some background. Our daughter is now 40. She has struggled since she was 20 with alcohol and drug issues. Went into rehab many times but has never finished a treatment. At 30 she finally got clean, got married and we thought things were good. She had a baby and she started drinking heavily, she went back on drugs.  Today’s situation is of course, all the denial, and […]
Parents of APSGO are now facing the BIG QUESTION: Are the skills we learn in our parent groups capable of standing up under the greatest test which any generation of parents is likely to encounter. Do the skills and principles we learn in our groups work, or do they even matter when survival is in question? The real question is, when have these lessons been more necessary? If we have changed our parenting habits since coming to APSGO, then it’s just as important that we don’t revert to old habits when the chips are down. Credibility is enduring and can stand the test […]
The following was originally a Keynote Address delivered by APSGO Founder Helen Jones at the 2012 APSGO AGM. Credibility Trumps Power In her keynote address, Helen Jones expounded on the difference between credibility and power, and why credibility trumps power every time. Although we can’t control our teens, we can influence them – but only if they view us as credible. So what do we do that diminishes our credibility with our teens, with others, and with ourselves? We squander our credibility in several ways: Making rules for others The problem with rules is that we can’t enforce them. All we can […]
A few years ago I was addressing the members of a downtown church where the group was a mix of young and old, professional people, stay at home moms and retirees. The conversation centred of course around APSGO’s emphasis on relationship building and like many people, they were drawn into this idea of looking at very serious behaviour issues and coming at them from a rather different direction in order to deal with them. Not surprisingly, the notion that the best way to deal with the behaviour is to not focus on it but to focus instead on changing how […]
Helen, I have a 16 year old who has absolutely no respect for me or his mother or brothers. I could list so many obnoxious things that he does, but there is one issue which really irritates me and spoils the mood for everyone. We sit down every evening to dinner as a family. Derek knows that we place a lot of effort into this event and try to make it an enjoyable time for everyone. It’s a chance to chat and exchange the news of the day and laugh at some of the days problems. Derek persistently shows up […]