APSGO Parenting Blog

How to listen and why it matters

by Sue Kranz Listening is one of the seven caring habits recommended by William Glasser in Choice Theory. These are the habits that, when put into practice, bring us closer to our sons and daughters – and everyone else. And the closer we are, the more influence we have. David Augsburger wrote: “Being listened to is so close to being loved that most people can’t tell the difference.” There are two ways to listen: Listening to reply. Listening to understand. The first is the one most of us use. While our teen is talking, we’re formulating our response: a comment, advice, […]
by APSGO
on May 18
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“Why?” – a most unhelpful question

By Sue Kranz “Why?” questions are uppermost in the minds of most parents of acting-out teens: “Why does he lie?” “Why does she hang around with those kids?” “Why does he do drugs?” “Why does she steal?” But we don’t have to know why a problem exists to solve it. We think we have to go back for answers and reasons for our current unhappiness or unwanted behaviour: back to our youth, back to our childhood, back to where “the problem” originated. With this approach, we don’t go back for two reasons: We can’t change the past, no matter how […]
by APSGO
on Mar 22
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He Ain’t Heavy – Examine your role and live it

A few years ago I was addressing the members of a downtown church where the group was a mix of young and old, professional people, stay at home moms and retirees. The conversation centred of course around APSGO’s emphasis on relationship building and like many people, they were drawn into this idea of looking at very serious behaviour issues and coming at them from a rather different direction in order to deal with them. Not surprisingly, the notion that the best way to deal with the behaviour is to not focus on it but to focus instead on changing how […]
by APSGO
on Aug 26
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Listening to connect and understand

How to listen There are two ways to listen: Listening to reply. Listening to understand. The first is the one most of us use. While our teen is talking, we’re formulating our response: a comment, advice, a criticism, a rebuttal, a correction, a suggestion, or an opinion. But it’s amazing what can happen when you stop rehearsing your answers and just pay attention. Larry King said, “I never learned anything while I was talking.” How unfortunate. I know what he means, but if you’ve ever spent time with a good listener, you know how much you learned! Some of the […]
by APSGO
on Jun 26
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