APSGO Parenting Blog

by Sue Kranz This, too, shall pass – so never give up. There’s nothing wrong with you, and there’s nothing wrong with your son or daughter. There is no “normal.” Whatever either of you is going through is normal for you. As your children grow into teens, your job as a parent shifts from providing and protecting to preparing them to be decent citizens and partners. Punishment ceases to work when we cease to be afraid of the punishment. Rewards cease to work when we no longer value the reward. Both are attempts to control and bring about obedience – […]
Choice Theory parenting expert and APSGO leader Sue Kranz had an interview with KIM OLVER recently! “In this episode, I speak with Sue Kranz, a knowledgeable, Choice Theory parenting expert. She first used Choice Theory concepts to help herself with being a single parent to six kids, with one of them exhibiting some seriously challenging behavior. Once she saw how these ideas worked for herself in her situation, she started reaching out to help other parents in similar situations. Above everything, Sue has learned the relationship you create with your children is most important. It’s amazing what happens when we […]
It was late, it was dark and I was tired. And after an eight-hour drive, we were almost home. My daughter Maddy and I had been visiting my sister in Connecticut, and we were just returning the rental car before getting a lift home. Fortunately, the gas station right across from the car rental place was still open, and I was stopped at a red light in the wrong lane to make a right-hand turn. But it was late and there was almost no one on the roads – except for the small car that pulled up beside me that […]
by Sue Kranz Season’s greetings to all of you! Hope you’re enjoying a holiday filled with love, laughter, and fun! A few years ago, I discovered a YouTube video by Ellen Gelinas – humourist, educator, Choice Theory instructor, mentor, and friend. It’s short, funny, and profound. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve watched it, but it changed my holidays for the better. Christmas used to look like this: First of all, it was always at my house because why wouldn’t it be? And somehow that turned into my buying most of the groceries and doing most of the […]
Back in 2002, I was a single mother of six – five still living at home. And my 15-year-old son was out of control. The police were regular – albeit ineffective – visitors to our home, but my son’s violent and destructive behaviour went from bad to worse, and we all lived in fear of his volatile, explosive temper. My ex-husband cautioned me to keep an eye on him: alcoholism and mental illness were rampant on both sides of the family, and my ex suffered from “uncontrollable” rages. I felt dumbfounded, helpless and confused: How was I expected to discipline […]
12 things you can do to build irresponsibility in your child Lie for him. Make excuses for his behaviour. Correct (or pay for) his mistakes. Model a lack of responsibility, commitment and follow-through yourself. Refuse to believe that he is capable of doing what he’s been accused of doing. Fight his battles for him. Tolerate and excuse abusive or unacceptable behaviour from him or others in order to avoid additional conflict. Be sloppy about holding him accountable for his behaviour, especially if you’re tired, frustrated or starting to wonder if it’s worth the bother. Routinely let him get away  with […]
This is how a friend of mine describes compulsive chatter. Which is what parents do best. (For a humorous rendition of “parentspeak,” check out The Mom Song on Youtube!) Funny how parents mistake lectures and advice for conversation! My kids never learned anything while I was talking at them. Why is that? Because they weren’t listening. And they weren’t listening because I wasn’t saying anything they wanted to hear. It wasn’t about what they wanted. It was all about me – what I wanted, what I thought was best for them. I wasn’t talking about what mattered to them; I […]
How to listen There are two ways to listen: Listening to reply. Listening to understand. The first is the one most of us use. While our teen is talking, we’re formulating our response: a comment, advice, a criticism, a rebuttal, a correction, a suggestion, or an opinion. But it’s amazing what can happen when you stop rehearsing your answers and just pay attention. Larry King said, “I never learned anything while I was talking.” How unfortunate. I know what he means, but if you’ve ever spent time with a good listener, you know how much you learned! Some of the […]
Suzanne Kranz (adapted from Jane Bluestein’s The Parent’s Little Book of Lists) from APSGO Fall News 2008 Make excuses for their behaviour: “He has a disorder.” “It’s genetic.” “She’s been diagnosed with XYZ.” “It’s hormones.” “He gets it from his father.” “It’s a learned behav-iour.” “It’s because I’m a single parent and his dad/mom isn’t around.” “It’s the friends she hangs out with.” “He didn’t make it onto the soccer team.” “Her teachers don’t like her.” Refuse to believe they’re capable of doing what they’ve been accused of doing… …and refuse to believe they’re capable of better! Rescue them. Do […]
by Sue Kranz (from APSGO News Fall 2007) Ask anyone what they expect from their relationship—whether that be with their teen, their spouse or their boss—and they will usually give you a list of what they believe the other person should be doing. It’s highly unlikely anyone will say, “Aah, yes, here’s what I expect from myself.” I’ve lost track of the number of times parents have asked me, “But shouldn’t I have expectations?” Of course you should. Absolutely. You should expect only the best, and you should have only the highest standards—for your own behaviour. “What will the neighbours […]