APSGO Parenting Blog

I was going to a conference, and had agreed to carpool with someone else I’d just met. We planned to meet at 10:30, and I would drive us to the conference. At 10:00, she called to tell me she wasn’t dressed yet, but would be leaving shortly. There was no way she would be able to meet me by 10:30, and I didn’t want to be late, but what choice did I have? I arrived at our meeting place and waited. And waited. And waited. And the longer I waited, the more angry I got. She finally showed up almost […]
A few years ago I was addressing the members of a downtown church where the group was a mix of young and old, professional people, stay at home moms and retirees. The conversation centred of course around APSGO’s emphasis on relationship building and like many people, they were drawn into this idea of looking at very serious behaviour issues and coming at them from a rather different direction in order to deal with them. Not surprisingly, the notion that the best way to deal with the behaviour is to not focus on it but to focus instead on changing how […]
How to listen There are two ways to listen: Listening to reply. Listening to understand. The first is the one most of us use. While our teen is talking, we’re formulating our response: a comment, advice, a criticism, a rebuttal, a correction, a suggestion, or an opinion. But it’s amazing what can happen when you stop rehearsing your answers and just pay attention. Larry King said, “I never learned anything while I was talking.” How unfortunate. I know what he means, but if you’ve ever spent time with a good listener, you know how much you learned! Some of the […]
by Sue Kranz (from APSGO News Fall 2007) Ask anyone what they expect from their relationship—whether that be with their teen, their spouse or their boss—and they will usually give you a list of what they believe the other person should be doing. It’s highly unlikely anyone will say, “Aah, yes, here’s what I expect from myself.” I’ve lost track of the number of times parents have asked me, “But shouldn’t I have expectations?” Of course you should. Absolutely. You should expect only the best, and you should have only the highest standards—for your own behaviour. “What will the neighbours […]