APSGO Parenting Blog

– By Helen Jones Because our approach is new to most people, some parents will express doubts as to its effectiveness. Our focus on building better relationships, can lead some parents to believe that we concentrate on relationship building while ignoring acting out behaviour. Parents need reassurance that we have similar goals and even better results in mind using a different approach to dealing with acting out behaviour. There are two approaches to dealing with bad behaviour. The Failing Approach, which is used by most parents involves punishment, as a deterrent. Or, even more destructive, a ‘diagnosis’ such as ADHD […]
By Sue Kranz What is frustration? Frustration is the feeling we have when what we’re experiencing isn’t what we want. Frustration comes from believing we’re helpless, powerless, or have too little control in our lives. And it stems from trying to control what we can’t control – sometimes an event or circumstance, but usually another person. Over a lifetime, we learn and practice strategies that we hope will help us gain control over others: we criticize, blame, complain, nag, threaten, punish, and bribe. When we try to force others to do what we want, we actually entrench them in doing […]
When my marriage broke down, I spent several years trying to put it back together. I eventually came to the realization that I couldn’t hold my family together if I wanted to. I knew that I would rather take my kids from a broken home, than live in one with them. My decision to leave didn’t come lightly.  I thought about my own parents tumultuous divorce and how awful that had been, but that once the grand-babies came. my lovely and smart Mum said something to the effect of, ‘I can be civil if your dad can be civil. I don’t want you […]
These are unprecedented times, for all of us. The current situation can be scary and uncertain, for our children and ourselves. I have been at home with one of my children for the last three months, my 27-year-old daughter who lives with me. (My son lives with his girlfriend). While we have been navigating the ever-changing information, recommendations and symptoms to look out for, we are trying to live our lives the best way we can. My daughter is dealing with a lot of anxiety because of the current situation. To be honest, my usual chill self is also feeling much anxiety (With […]
by Donna DiMascio Someone asked me the other day what I thought about 2020. The first word that came to mind was &$!#% ….. and then a whole slew of other negative thoughts: uncertainty, scary, horrible, rough, stressful, dreadful, terrible and sad. Or as Queen Elizabeth once said, “1992 is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure.” She could have easily been describing 2020 because that is what it has felt like for most people. Many of us feel that not until we are all relatively safe or have a better fighting chance against COVID […]
It was late, it was dark and I was tired. And after an eight-hour drive, we were almost home. My daughter Maddy and I had been visiting my sister in Connecticut, and we were just returning the rental car before getting a lift home. Fortunately, the gas station right across from the car rental place was still open, and I was stopped at a red light in the wrong lane to make a right-hand turn. But it was late and there was almost no one on the roads – except for the small car that pulled up beside me that […]
In our support groups, ASPGO leaders use Choice Theory to help parents develop small plans to improve their relationships with their children by changing their own behaviour. The plan should rely solely on the parent. If it depends for success on anyone else, including a teacher, spouse or your child it has little to no chance of success. The plan should be as small as possible. The plan should demonstrate a change in the behaviour of the parent. The plan should have a positive impact on the wellbeing of the parent. The plan should not be punitive. So often when […]
A Letter to Helen Jones, Founder of APSGO I do know that it is my attitude in the whole situation that should change but I am having a really hard time.  Here is some background. Our daughter is now 40. She has struggled since she was 20 with alcohol and drug issues. Went into rehab many times but has never finished a treatment. At 30 she finally got clean, got married and we thought things were good. She had a baby and she started drinking heavily, she went back on drugs.  Today’s situation is of course, all the denial, and […]
by Sue Kranz Season’s greetings to all of you! Hope you’re enjoying a holiday filled with love, laughter, and fun! A few years ago, I discovered a YouTube video by Ellen Gelinas – humourist, educator, Choice Theory instructor, mentor, and friend. It’s short, funny, and profound. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve watched it, but it changed my holidays for the better. Christmas used to look like this: First of all, it was always at my house because why wouldn’t it be? And somehow that turned into my buying most of the groceries and doing most of the […]
Parents of APSGO are now facing the BIG QUESTION: Are the skills we learn in our parent groups capable of standing up under the greatest test which any generation of parents is likely to encounter. Do the skills and principles we learn in our groups work, or do they even matter when survival is in question? The real question is, when have these lessons been more necessary? If we have changed our parenting habits since coming to APSGO, then it’s just as important that we don’t revert to old habits when the chips are down. Credibility is enduring and can stand the test […]
Association of Parent Support Groups in Ontario (APSGO)