APSGO Parenting Blog

Choice Theory parenting expert and APSGO leader Sue Kranz had an interview with KIM OLVER recently! “In this episode, I speak with Sue Kranz, a knowledgeable, Choice Theory parenting expert. She first used Choice Theory concepts to help herself with being a single parent to six kids, with one of them exhibiting some seriously challenging behavior. Once she saw how these ideas worked for herself in her situation, she started reaching out to help other parents in similar situations. Above everything, Sue has learned the relationship you create with your children is most important. It’s amazing what happens when we […]
by Donna DiMascio Someone asked me the other day what I thought about 2020. The first word that came to mind was &$!#% ….. and then a whole slew of other negative thoughts: uncertainty, scary, horrible, rough, stressful, dreadful, terrible and sad. Or as Queen Elizabeth once said, “1992 is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure.” She could have easily been describing 2020 because that is what it has felt like for most people. Many of us feel that not until we are all relatively safe or have a better fighting chance against COVID […]
It was late, it was dark and I was tired. And after an eight-hour drive, we were almost home. My daughter Maddy and I had been visiting my sister in Connecticut, and we were just returning the rental car before getting a lift home. Fortunately, the gas station right across from the car rental place was still open, and I was stopped at a red light in the wrong lane to make a right-hand turn. But it was late and there was almost no one on the roads – except for the small car that pulled up beside me that […]
In our support groups, ASPGO leaders use Choice Theory to help parents develop small plans to improve their relationships with their children by changing their own behaviour. The plan should rely solely on the parent. If it depends for success on anyone else, including a teacher, spouse or your child it has little to no chance of success. The plan should be as small as possible. The plan should demonstrate a change in the behaviour of the parent. The plan should have a positive impact on the wellbeing of the parent. The plan should not be punitive. So often when […]
Parents of APSGO are now facing the BIG QUESTION: Are the skills we learn in our parent groups capable of standing up under the greatest test which any generation of parents is likely to encounter. Do the skills and principles we learn in our groups work, or do they even matter when survival is in question? The real question is, when have these lessons been more necessary? If we have changed our parenting habits since coming to APSGO, then it’s just as important that we don’t revert to old habits when the chips are down. Credibility is enduring and can stand the test […]
Back in 2002, I was a single mother of six – five still living at home. And my 15-year-old son was out of control. The police were regular – albeit ineffective – visitors to our home, but my son’s violent and destructive behaviour went from bad to worse, and we all lived in fear of his volatile, explosive temper. My ex-husband cautioned me to keep an eye on him: alcoholism and mental illness were rampant on both sides of the family, and my ex suffered from “uncontrollable” rages. I felt dumbfounded, helpless and confused: How was I expected to discipline […]
12 things you can do to build irresponsibility in your child Lie for him. Make excuses for his behaviour. Correct (or pay for) his mistakes. Model a lack of responsibility, commitment and follow-through yourself. Refuse to believe that he is capable of doing what he’s been accused of doing. Fight his battles for him. Tolerate and excuse abusive or unacceptable behaviour from him or others in order to avoid additional conflict. Be sloppy about holding him accountable for his behaviour, especially if you’re tired, frustrated or starting to wonder if it’s worth the bother. Routinely let him get away  with […]
This is how a friend of mine describes compulsive chatter. Which is what parents do best. (For a humorous rendition of “parentspeak,” check out The Mom Song on Youtube!) Funny how parents mistake lectures and advice for conversation! My kids never learned anything while I was talking at them. Why is that? Because they weren’t listening. And they weren’t listening because I wasn’t saying anything they wanted to hear. It wasn’t about what they wanted. It was all about me – what I wanted, what I thought was best for them. I wasn’t talking about what mattered to them; I […]
Who are the 3 most important people in your teen’s life? Their employer Their landlord Their bank (teller, loans officer, bank manager, etc.) These are the people our teens will be dealing with for the rest of their lives. These are the people who decide to employ them – or not, to rent to them – or not, or to lend them money – or not.This is worth keeping in mind as parents, because those people won’t make excuses for our teens. Either they measure up or they don’t. Either they show up and get the work done or they […]
The following was originally a Keynote Address delivered by APSGO Founder Helen Jones at the 2012 APSGO AGM. Credibility Trumps Power In her keynote address, Helen Jones expounded on the difference between credibility and power, and why credibility trumps power every time. Although we can’t control our teens, we can influence them – but only if they view us as credible. So what do we do that diminishes our credibility with our teens, with others, and with ourselves? We squander our credibility in several ways: Making rules for others The problem with rules is that we can’t enforce them. All we can […]