Suzanne Kranz (adapted from Jane Bluestein’s The Parent’s Little Book of Lists) from APSGO Fall News 2008
- Make excuses for their behaviour: “He has a disorder.” “It’s genetic.” “She’s been diagnosed with XYZ.” “It’s hormones.” “He gets it from his father.” “It’s a learned behav-iour.” “It’s because I’m a single parent and his dad/mom isn’t around.” “It’s the friends she hangs out with.” “He didn’t make it onto the soccer team.” “Her teachers don’t like her.”
- Refuse to believe they’re capable of doing what they’ve been accused of doing…
- …and refuse to believe they’re capable of better!
- Rescue them. Do for them what they should be doing for them-selves so they’ll know you don’t believe they’re smart or strong or resourceful enough to handle their own life.
- Model disrespect: Think and speak badly of yourself and oth-ers – and them.
- When they disappoint you, ask, “Why?!” so they’ll learn to come up with good/better/acceptable excuses.
- Be inconsistent: Don’t mean what you say, and don’t follow through.
- Teach them to make decisions based on avoiding punishment or getting a reward – not because it’s the right thing to do.
- Value obedience above caring, concern and co-operation.
- Demand a higher standard of behaviour from them than you demand from yourself.
- Complain – loudly and often –and be unhappy, miserable and frustrated so they’ll be eager to become a responsible adult just like you.
- Give them whatever they ask for so they can develop a strong sense of being entitled.
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