APSGO Parenting Blog

By Sue Kranz

  1. There’s nothing wrong with you. Whatever you’re going through is normal for you.
  2. Those random thoughts that make you wonder, “Oh, no! Who am I that I can think those things?!” – that’s normal, too. They just show up, and they don’t have anything to do with who you are. We all have those thoughts. It’s just that no one talks about them. Too bad…
  3. You don’t have to believe everything you think.
  4. Blaming your parents for how you turn out won’t give you a better life.
  5. Self-esteem doesn’t come from others thinking well of you or telling you how great you are. It comes from doing the best you can, always improving, demonstrating competence, and respecting yourself and others.
  6. It’s not your parents’ (or anyone else’s) job to make you happy or give you everything you want. That’s your job.
  7. No amount of “stuff” can bring you peace or happiness for more than five minutes. Only who you are and what you do can do that for you.
  8. Those strong, overwhelming emotions like anger, sadness and rage: you can feel them and not have to do anything with them.
  9. Just because someone says you’re their best friend doesn’t mean you have to be their best friend.
  10. A friend will never ask you to compromise your principles – e.g., lie, steal, cheat – even to get them out of trouble.
  11. Work (at home or at a job) helps you in four ways: It allows you to give back, it gives you a way to contribute to something bigger than yourself, it gives you an opportunity to become competent at skills that you’ll need in years to come, and it fosters independence.
  12. You’ll know if someone loves you, not by what they say, but by how they treat you.
  13. Moving into adulthood can be confusing and difficult at times. You’re re-evaluating who you are and what you stand for, and that’s real work. Oh – and it doesn’t end when you get older.
  14. Notice what you have, not what you don’t have. Appreciate it. Be grateful.
  15. Drugs and alcohol, and violence can momentarily ease your frustration and pain, but they can’t bring you peace or give you what you really want. They can only wreck you.
  16. You don’t get to decide how others treat you – only how you treat them. Somebody has to end the war and be a decent human being, and it might as well be you.
  17. Here’s how you get respect: 1) Respect yourself. 2) Respect others.
  18. Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
  19. You’ll know you’ve taken responsibility for your life when you can trust yourself to make good choices without the threat of punishment or promise of reward.
  20. An apology is more than just feeling guilty or saying, “I’m sorry.” It’s saying: “I did it. I’m sorry I did it. What can I do to make it right?” And then doing it.
  21. Some things can never be fixed – like physical injury or death. So be mindful of doing what you (or someone else) may live to regret.
  22. There are things you can control and things you can’t control. You can control what you do – but you can’t control the outcome.
  23. Never give up! It all works out in the end. If it hasn’t worked out, it’s not the end.

If you’d like to know more about Choice Theory, email me at sue@sanerparenting.ca and I’ll send you PDFs of the booklet Who’s Driving YOUR Car? and the handout Six Things: How to create healthy boundaries. And, as always, I welcome your questions and comments.


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