APSGO Parenting Blog

APSGO hosted an online parenting workshop for members with APSGO Founder, Past President and spokesperson Helen Jones on Saturday April 17.

The topic of the workshop was “Making Plans.”

APSGO PLANS are meant to improve the relationship between children and parents, not complicate it and create a standoff between parents and their children.

This ZOOM Workshop taught the essential elements of reaching children and building trust and respect between them and their parents. Parents learned how to create plans that actually work and change lives.

You can listen to the workshop below.

WORKSHOP CHAT DISCUSSION

Helen took the time to answer some of the topics and questions that came up in the CHAT during the workshop.

Helen: There were several questions and comments from workshop attendees at the end of the session and I have already responded to those of you who emailed questions to me.  This is my reply to those of you who left comments and questions.

How can I stop worrying?

You asked how it is possible not to worry about the choices our children make.
We will probably never be entirely free of thinking about our children, but it is possible to feel better if we see that there are things we can do. We can have some impact on our children’s lives, but this will only happen when we learn to build better relationships with them. We cannot keep doing the same things and hoping for different results.

I feel angry a lot of the time.

If we want to change how we feel, we must change what we do. Being a member of APSGO gives us a wonderful advantage. We are not alone and we have the support of other parents. We are supported to do things in small ways. As parents whose children are doing some outrageous things, we tend to think about large dramatic steps. In contrast, even exceedingly small changes in what we do can bring about significant change in the behaviour and attitude of our children. Over time, you will wonder why you ever did things in the old way.

Guidelines for being a parent:

Keep in mind that the only behaviour you can control is your own. This is tremendously liberating as it releases us from the need to spend time on elaborate plans. When we try to control the behaviour of anyone else, we lose and we lose big. We lose credibility and respect and we reveal to our children how helpless we really are. It is not good for our children to see that parents are powerless and this is reinforced every time we make a rule which they ignore.

Diagnoses

Some of you had questions about FASD and ADHD. I have questions about these things too. By FASD, I believe you mean Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. This is an actual measurable condition. It usually has physiological signs and the cause in most cases (perhaps all cases) is maternal alcohol consumption during pregnancy. This is not a mental condition but is a physical, measurable condition which affects behaviour and intellect.

ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) This seems to be used for almost every situation where children are disruptive in the classroom and at home. I have doubts about this diagnosis but I have also been told of children diagnosed with ADHD, showing an interest and spending significant time on enjoyable activities and this tells me that there is hope for using a different approach.


Our next Workshop will be Saturday May 29, 2021 at 10:30am – 12 noon. Please sign up to our Enews list to be notified when Registration opens.

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Association of Parent Support Groups in Ontario (APSGO)